{"id":85222,"date":"2020-04-02T15:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-04-02T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vivaglammagazine.com\/?p=62953"},"modified":"2023-08-22T11:33:36","modified_gmt":"2023-08-22T18:33:36","slug":"the-scientific-reason-why-we-desire-that-one-person-that-we-cant-have-2-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vivaglammagazine.com\/the-scientific-reason-why-we-desire-that-one-person-that-we-cant-have-2-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Scientific Reason Why We Desire That One Person That We Can\u2019t Have"},"content":{"rendered":"
If you\u2019ve been single for some time, but have been open to dating<\/a> and putting yourself out there, you\u2019re pretty familiar with the case of wanting what we can\u2019t have. While it\u2019s true in childhood, social media (craving other people\u2019s lives) and nutrition (we most often crave junk food<\/a> when on a diet), it\u2019s especially true when you desire a new partner.<\/span><\/p>\n But in this case it\u2019s worse. It might lead to some harmful behavior such as overthinking, trying to get the attention of that person, living in denial (although it\u2019s a lost cause, we insist on making it happen), leaving our other goals in life behind, appearing needy, and more. And that\u2019s just because we want to be with someone who isn\u2019t interested, and with whom it\u2019s clearly not meant to be.<\/span><\/p>\n Not to worry, though. It\u2019s not just you, and there\u2019s a logical explanation for your behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s all about how the brain works. In particular, when somebody rejects us, we want them even more as it activates a certain neurological response in our brain. It then leads to signs of addictive behavior, craving the reward (which is a person, in this case) and being quite determined to have them any way we can.<\/span><\/p>\n This interesting study<\/span><\/a> also suggests that the person we want but can\u2019t have serves as a drug for the drug addict. What goes on in our brain, on a chemical level, is pretty much the same.<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of trying to go against the law of the universe and how our brain works, let\u2019s make the most of this. Now that you have the reason why you want someone you can\u2019t have, and it\u2019s backed by science, hopefully this will make it easier to let go.<\/span><\/p>\n If you want to dig deeper into the reason why you want the one person you can\u2019t have, then keep this in mind: you were most probably addicted to the idea of that person, and not to the individual himself. Because if one of two people rejects the other one, there\u2019s no real connection and no meaningful relationship is formed. Meaning, you never really knew that person and so you can\u2019t truly desire them that much.<\/span><\/p>\n The longer you hold onto that vision of you two, the more power you give to such thoughts. That\u2019s when it can lead to obsession and you can end up doing things that you\u2019ll later regret, which could affect your life negatively.<\/span><\/p>\n Of course, there\u2019s also the basic psychological reason behind anything. If you were once <\/span>rejected by somebody<\/span><\/a> for no clear reason (be it by one of the key figures in your childhood or a partner you had a relationship with for a long time, but who just changed completely), then you\u2019re more likely to end up in the same situation. You attract what you fear<\/a>, if you pay too much attention to it and fail to accept it and let go.<\/span><\/p>\n Whatever the reason, falling for the one person we can\u2019t have never ends well. You deserve more. Try to look at things from a different perspective, raise your self-esteem, and go pursue your dreams<\/a>. Eventually the right person will notice you and you won\u2019t face rejection again.<\/span><\/p>\n About the Author:<\/p>\n YOU MAY ALSO LIKE<\/p>\nThe Science Behind Wanting What You Can\u2019t Have<\/span><\/h2>\n
How to Use This to Our Advantage<\/span><\/h2>\n
The following conclusions can be made as a result of the study:<\/span><\/h4>\n
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Most often, it\u2019s not even about the person<\/span><\/h2>\n
Sarah Williams is a Berlin based author who specializes in <\/span>dating advice<\/span> for men. On Wingman Magazine she regularly publishes her thoughts about relationships and the underlying mechanisms that drive human interactions.<\/span><\/h5>\n